After what had turned out to be a ten-month leave of absence, I had given my irreplaceable and incredibly understanding assistant, Tonya, a much deserved week off. Which, leaves me sulking in my office, wishing she was here to brighten my mood. Now, I cannot stress how important my assistant is to me. For what other mortal would work for and put up with an insatiable succubus who sexually seduces even the most innocent of humans—­customers? For a really good reason, though, I must express. ­

The girl is a gem. In fact, she doesn’t even seem to mind that I am constantly being bombarded by mythological monsters. Who subsequently drag me into all sorts of devious and dangerous adventures. Such missions, usually result in her being left alone to tend the shop at a moment’s notice for unknown durations of time. As invaluable as her ability to keep a secret and to always be on call may be, what truly makes her employee of the millennium, is her mind. She may be exotic and sexy as all hell, but my assistant is also one of the most brilliant humans I have ever met in the trade—the antiquities trade that is. Tonya has an eidetic memory, plus a distinguished education to boot. However, even with beauty, brains and bona-fictions, she still possesses one vastly more important element that allows us to maintain a professional, and what I can only hope to be, a long, fruitful relationship. Tonya, though it breaks my heart, is immune to my charms.

Just to clear up any confusion, I am a Nightling. Okay, so that didn’t help. I come from a race, not of this planet. Yes, I’m technically an alien, though I don’t have green skin, nor have I ever administered an anal probe—well not without permission of course—although I have lived over a thousand of your lifetimes. Sadly, I am not an immortal. However, in relation to a human lifespan, it’s not hard to see the misunderstanding. Earthlings, have labeled me a succubus, a whore of Beelzebub. Alas, I must confess, I do not have a tail nor do I possess horns. And as far as being a spawn from hell, well, I’m sure my mother has a few stories of my teenage years she would like to share. The closest Hollywood ideology you could compare me with, is the legend of the Vampire. An undead, bloodsucking immortal. That clichéd definition could not be further from the truth of what I really am. I am a living, breathing, heart pumping Succubus. However, there probably are Vampires living in your community. Though we both come from similar worlds, our dining habits are rather different. The actual expressions, Succubus and Vampire, relates to the quadrant of the solar system from which we derive. Not quite so romantic now, are we?

I admit our dining habits appear to be the same, from the outside looking in, that is. We both have retractable fangs that have the ability to draw blood from our food source, and yes, we both have super-human strength and senses. Even with all our similarities, we differ in the most important way. Our food. Myself and fellow Succubae must ingest large doses of the human hormone oxytocin in order to survive. It just so happens that this particular chemical is created when the body is aroused or feels passion. I have the fortunate ability to extract this particular hormone from the blood stream, and then I can pump the vital fluid, minus my meal, back into my source. Waste not.

Now, Vampires on the other hand, feed off of the chemical adrenaline. Which, in my own opinion, is why they always appear so scary and why they generally choose not to replace their victims blood. Adrenalin production is exponentially higher when one’s life is on the line. Fortunately, I rely on a much more pleasant means of procuring my meals. You see, I conveniently produce an intoxicating pheromone which lures my victims—I mean lovers, to me. And that brings me back to my assistant Tonya. Infuriating as it may be, her sexy ass is completely immune to my love dust. So, as it happens, we can work in a completely sex-free environment. It’s utterly repulsive. On the bright side, I do have a completely responsible and reliable employee who deals with all my impulses and keeps me and my shop in perfect balance. BORING, yet productive.