The Art of Aggravation
Aggravation takes place primarily in three environments: the home, the school and the car. A maneuver is a plan of action for performing the art of aggravation against your intended target, and maneuvers exist for each environment. A setback is a negative reaction that results from aggravating another person, and setbacks usually come in various shapes and sizes of physical and emotional pain. The objective of becoming a master in the art is to defeat certain people like bullies, while simultaneously enjoying the art’s positive results like popularity. Practicing the art may walk the fine line of being mean. Therefore, THE ART OF AGGRAVATION stresses good moral values like honesty, and it promotes making good grades in school. Becoming a master in the art of aggravation is not easy, so the reader must be disciplined and patient. But, most of all, the reader should have fun.
The truth is some people are just annoying: the disgusting boy who is always burping, the chatty girl who spits when she talks, the old man who thinks he is getting away with passing gas by clearing his throat at the same time, or the woman who sticks her foot in her mouth by saying you dance like an ape. These people don’t know their actions are annoying and cannot understand why people don’t want to be around them. This book isn’t about making irritating people become aware of their “annoyingness.” I have tried and it does not work.
The purpose of this book is to display aggravation as an art form. Yes, aggravating another person is an art, just like painting. The painter paints because he or she wants to show their talent. I, a master in the art of aggravation, want to show my talents, too.
In this book I refer to aggravating another person as the art of aggravation, or simply “the art.” The art is a powerful tool. But you must understand that with power comes responsibility. You are responsible for how other people feel. Be kind, and always apologize if you have hurt someone’s feelings.
Through mastering the art of aggravation, I have come to understand its results. The power of the art creates positive opportunities and expels negative people from your life. In my case, the power of the art has earned me the title of class clown and made bullies fear the humiliating maneuvers I may use against them in the schoolyard. The art of aggravation has also given me the ability to gently distance myself from certain people such as goofballs, weirdoes and loudmouths.
Unfortunately, setbacks come with the art of aggravation, and you must be devoted to the art, in order to overcome these. I define a setback as a negative action that results from aggravating another person. Setbacks come in many different forms and bring varying degrees of physical and emotional pain. Examples include getting beaten up by an older brother; feeling left out of the popular group in school; having your hair pulled out by an older classmate; and being pinned down to the floor by your older sister who forces you to say, “Girls are better than boys!”
Setbacks are not fun, but they occur when you try to master anything in life. Think about it this way: do great football players quit after getting hurt the first time? Do professional ballerinas quit after they have fallen? I don’t think so. Well, then why should you? No guts, no glory, right?
I have organized this book around the environments in which aggravation takes place, and I have broken these down into three types of environments that readers will be familiar with: The Home, The School and The Car.
The nature of the aggravation relies heavily on the environment. Just as a skilled hunter understands the surrounding forest in which he hunts, you too must understand the environment you are in and use it to your advantage.
Within each environment there will be many successful maneuvers. What is a maneuver? A maneuver is a plan of action for performing the art of aggravation against your intended target. In this book, I give examples of maneuvers I have tried in the past—some were successes, other were failures. You will learn the most from my failures. As you read them, take note of why I failed and avoid making the same mistakes. Stay focused, read carefully, and get ready to master the art of aggravation.