Time to Live

Excerpt

Chapter One

Seth Bannock stared at the front door. A yellow glow seeped thought the glass panels forming a pool of light at his feet. The street buzzed with the noise of a normal Saturday night. Teenagers spilled out from a loud party two doors up, and moved in small groups along the sidewalk in a constant stream of chatter. Cars spun their wheels and, horns blasting with young men hanging out of the windows, roared up the road.

With a sigh, Seth pushed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. What had just happened? His friend of the past six months, Rose McCarthy, had given him the finger, sworn colorfully, and slammed the front door in his face. He gazed at her neat two-story brick house, his mind frazzled. Okay, so he had tried to kiss her, he wanted to be nice, and she had asked him for the kiss—no, she'd pleaded for it. It wasn't his fucking idea. In truth, he had no inclination to kiss anyone. Perhaps he could have handled a straight kiss, but then the woman stuck her tongue into his mouth, tasted like stale beer, and he nearly spewed his guts out. Christ, she'd gone feral, insisting he wasn't normal, that he kissed like a girl. How the fuck did she know how girls kissed anyway?

Seth rubbed the back of his neck. Not again.

He had—had being the operative word here—liked Rose. He'd met her at his gym. True, he appreciated her slim body, enjoyed their long chats, and her companionship. The trouble with Rose and all the other women he had dated over the past three years was moving beyond being friends. Not that he wanted to, but he always made things worse by rejecting their advances. He happened to prefer being friends. He liked women, well, at least until they did that thing with their eyes and expected him to fondle their tits. Hell, he even enjoyed going to the mall with them—but kissing them and the tongue thing—fuck, it made him uncomfortable. The eventuality of finding the right girl had become a personal nightmare.

He had to face facts—he didn't like girls in that way.

Rose's words would haunt him forever. You're gay and can't admit it to yourself. Normal men like women to touch them—you move away. Do you look at girlie magazines to jerk off? Or are you thinking about the hot jocks sweating at the gym? The worse thing was, he hadn't given her a reply—he had no excuse. In fact, he had never bought a girlie magazine in his life.

The look of disgust on her face burned into his mind, to join the list of other horror-date memories. Matt turned away from the house and walked to his car. The woman had a point. He had never dated during high school or college, keeping to himself or hanging out with the other jocks. In truth, he liked the smell of men, the gloss of sweat on hard muscle, damp hair curling on a broad, muscular neck. To admit this even to himself—fuck! His head throbbed with the implication.

Swinging into his car, Seth thought over the strange messages his body gave him whenever he noticed men looking at him in that way. It happened all the time at the gym. As a personal trainer, he had clients of both sexes and kept things on a very professional level, but a couple of guys had brushed his leg and given him the look. His stomach had clenched as if in anticipation; his heart rate had quickened. Why? The thought of sliding his hands over a man's hot, sweaty body did not repel him. Should it? Who would know? Hell, he couldn't just walk up to someone and ask a question like that, he valued his teeth too much. What should he do? He had to discuss his problem with someone who would not laugh at him. I gotta know if watching two men together turns me on . . . yeah . . . I'll pick up a couple of pornos. If the movies turn me on, I'll need to discuss my problem with someone. I'll go online, and do a search; there must be someone in this town I can speak to.

* * * * *

Rio Knight took in the man standing in the foyer of Floggers BDSM Club. He valued his ability to pick a sub at a glance, and this man's predilection eluded him. To his experienced eye, he saw a confused man, albeit, a buff six-two, blond hunk of steel. He moved toward the man and extended his hand. "Rio Knight . . . how can I help you?"

"Seth Bannock." Seth shook Rio's hand. "I feel stupid coming here, to be honest, but I needed to talk to someone." He met Rio's gaze. "Do you have a few minutes to spare?"

"You're not selling stuff are you?"

"No." Seth gave a nervous laugh. "To tell you the truth, I don't know any homosexual men and this being a gay club . . . well . . . I . . . I'm looking for some answers." He shrugged. "I guess you think I'm crazy walking into a gay BDSM club looking for help, but I need to talk over something that's bothering me, and I don't think I'll get what I need from a doctor or a shrink."

Rio held the man's hand a little longer than necessary and rubbed his thumb over the back. Apart from the softening in Seth's dark blue eyes, the man made no effort to pull away. Interesting. He inclined his head. "Sure . . . come into my office." He opened the door and ushered Seth inside. "I've just made a fresh pot of coffee."

Placing two steaming cups on the long maple desk, Rio waved Seth into a seat. He rested his hip on the edge of the desk and gazed down at the man, taking a dominant position. The guy dropped his gaze under Rio's frank appraisal. Good sub material, strong but craves domination. He had the guts to come in here, yeah a valuable quality in a sub. Seth had remarkably handsome features, high cheekbones, full lips and those big, innocent, blue eyes. "So are you interested in BDSM?"

"I think I might be . . . yeah." Seth met Rio's gaze. "That's part of why I'm here. Look, I'll come straight to the point. How did you know you were gay?"

Fuck. "Well, the fact I prefer to have sex with men tipped me off." Rio ran a hand through his hair. "I don't have the slightest interest in women. I'm also a dom; I like to dominate men sexually. I like to be on top."

"Where you always like . . . gay . . . or did you have a sexual experience with a man and like it?" Seth reached for his coffee. "I'm confused .I've tried to date girls—women—but as soon as . . . you know . . . I can't get it up. I can't even kiss them."

Rio's mind reeled. He picked Seth as gay the moment he set eyes on him. "I've always known I'm gay. I've never had any doubt. Are you suddenly attracted to men or did this come about because of a sexual encounter as you put it?"

"No!—Last night I tried to kiss a girlfriend—not something I enjoy, by the way. When I backed off, she kinda lost it. Fuck, she screamed at me and said I acted like a gay man . . . that I wasn't normal." Seth looked at Rio over the top of his cup. "The whole scene was pretty ugly."

"So why do you hang out with women if you don't find them attractive?"

"Fucked if I know—I guess in my mind, I thought I might eventually find one that actually attracted me. Rose . . . well, she was a good friend. I liked her company but she wanted more."

Rio inclined his head. "Tell me about Rose, did she have big tits, nice ass . . . what made her a possibility in your eyes?"

"No, she is the opposite." Seth shrugged. "Tall, muscular, slim and she didn't have much in the way of tits to be honest. She liked to exercise." He swallowed. "I met her in the gym."

"I see and what do you appreciate in a man?"

"I like the way a man smells, and . . . I dunno . . . muscles wet with sweat, a nice body." Seth drained his coffee and set the cup down. "I like eyes too, some men's eyes have a kindness I find attractive."

You don't say. "It's a drastic step going from an argument with your girlfriend to fronting at a gay BDSM club. What the hell did the woman say to you?" Rio rubbed the back of his neck.

"You don't want to hear the boring details, but a lot of what she said rang true: I do appreciate the male form, like I said. Although, I believe I've been fooling myself for the reason why I find men attractive. So I bit the bullet, as they say, and rented some gay pornos including a BDSM one . . . nothing too extreme." He ran a finger around the top of his cup and drew a deep breath. "It turned me on big time, seeing two guys. You know it kinda felt right."

He leaned back in his chair. "Like I said before I don't know any homosexual men. I don't have anyone I can talk to. I think I'm gay, and I'm not sure what to do. How do I know for sure that I'm really gay?" He rubbed a hand over his face. "From what I've told you it's obvious, isn't it. I just can't admit it to myself."

You think, huh. "There's no halfway here; you're gay, or you're not." Rio stood and moved closer to Seth. This close, he could smell the man's clean scent. He cupped Seth's cheek and stared into his eyes. "From what you have told me, and how you react to me, I think it's obvious." He snorted. "You're sure sending out all the right signals."

"Signals?"

Rio ran the pad of his thumb over Seth's full bottom lip. "Uh huh, a straight guy wouldn't allow me to touch him like this." He sighed. "Look . . . I have a sub I'm attached to, so as much as I'd like to pursue this with you; I think I should introduce you to a dom around your own age."

"Don't you think that's kinda jumping in with both feet?" Seth frowned. "What if I'm wrong? The thought of being tied up and whipped . . . I dunno."

Rio headed for the door. "You should follow your instincts. No one here will push you into anything you don't want to do. But I think you may need a little shove in the right direction. Floggers can open up a world of pleasure you didn't know existed." He grinned. "It's time to live my friend."