Eli and Jay have known one another since they were children. Their life on the Star Belt government reserve in Saskatchewan isn't great, but the people -- like Tantoo, Eli's grandmother, Jay's sisters, and grandmother Buffy -- have always made life tolerable.
Until the day Jay kissed Eli only to be rejected, and a moment of misunderstanding drives the two friends apart for years, a misunderstanding that won't come up again until tragedy draws them together once more.
As Eli relaxed into Jay’s side, the sounds in the next room got quieter. The thumping was less prevalent, and the moans had fallen into breathy sighs. Soon, the creak of the mattress disappeared entirely.
“Why you so afraid of storms?” Jay asked, whispering now.
“Because it’s my origin story. My grandmother said I was struck by lightning, so I have to do good things. That’s also why my father was always looking at the sky. He thought I fell from it.” Eli didn’t add that he was also afraid of turning into his father. He just squeezed Jay’s hand and was happy to have him squeeze back.
“I don’t remember my origin story. Maybe I don’t have one.”
“We all have one.”
“Nah, maybe not.” Jay leaned back against the couch, staring up at the stucco ceiling with a large water stain. “Sometimes, I think I was just born yesterday. Maybe I just walked on the rez and my earliest memory is just how things really began. I mean, there are no photos of me as a baby. There are for the girls, but I could have been a kid they found at the side of the road.”
“That would explain why you’re the only boy,” Eli added.
“Maybe!” Jay said, laughing. “I like the way you think, Eli.”
“No problem.” Eli suppressed a laugh, and then turned to find Jay staring at him. Their hands were still linked tightly, bringing their bodies closer together. But when Jay’s eyes caught Eli, it looked as if they’d never be close enough. Jay leaned down, his nose brushing Eli’s, before their lips met in a kiss.
Eli could squeeze Jay’s hand, but he didn’t know what to do with his lips. What did someone like him do with a kiss? He liked Jay -- he liked the warmth of his body, the lightness of his laughter, and the way he make him feel as if he swallowed a storm. It was scary, swallowing the sky like that, but if he could keep the thunder and lightning inside of himself, maybe he could control it more.
Eli felt Jay open his mouth against his. Eli mirrored him, allowing their breaths to fall into one another’s mouths. He felt a stirring deep inside of himself, but it was foreign. He didn’t like it. Was this what Maggie and her boyfriend felt? Was this what sex was like? Did kissing have to lead to sex? And sex to something else? The questions assaulted Eli like a barrage of hail. He didn’t want that -- any of that -- no, not at all, even if he liked Jay. Even if he loved Jay and the feel of his body next to his. Wasn’t that what Jay wanted, too? Eli’s mind went over their conversation again, trying to find the point where they had misunderstood one another. No sex, Eli thought. I thought we wanted no sex.
Eli opened his mouth more, to say something, but only felt Jay’s tongue slide in next to his.
“No,” Eli groaned, then pushed Jay away from him on the couch. “Gross.”
“What?” Jay said. He swallowed hard, his face red from the sudden excitement. His eyes were fixed like the two hard points Eli recognized from the summer. Disappointment. Fear. “What? I thought you ...”
“No. I thought ...”
“Fuck it,” Jay said. He turned away now, their hands no longer touching. “You know, just forget it, Eli.”
Eli said nothing.
