The aliens settled in Africa and Europe, what with their love of giraffes and Alpine skiing and all, and forced the previous inhabitants to move out. But when two of said inhabitants meet one of said aliens, plus his unusual body parts, that’s when their world gets turned upside down. E.T. does more than phone home in this funny, steamy threesome of a tale.
NOTE: This story appears in Rob Rosen's best-selling collection, Short Spurts.
As for the aliens, once they demonstrated their military might and then informed us of their plans, we only ever had verbal contact with them. Naturally, rumors immediately began to spread as to what they looked like. I, personally, was hoping for the little-green-men scenario to pan out, as it was high time to add to our rather boring pallet of white, black, brown, red, and yellow.
What I wasn’t counting on, however, was a firsthand encounter.
Or a first-cock encounter, as was the case.
I’d been standing naked in my bedroom, casually stroking a fat boner while I spied on my new German neighbor through a gap in my blinds. Hans didn’t believe in rolling up his shades or wearing clothes when he was home. With a small set of binoculars, I could easily watch him walk around his house, his hefty schlong swaying back and forth as he absentmindedly tugged on his foreskin.
And that’s when I spotted it.
Out of the corner of my eye -- well, a corner of the lens, actually -- I noticed a pinprick of bright light. I set the binoculars down and looked to my left, out to my backyard. My heart began a fast kerthump as I watched in stunned amazement while a small silver craft floated down and then silently landed. One minute it was a blip in the autumn blue sky, the next a parking violation.
It seemed that E.T., apparently, didn’t feel the need to phone ahead. Still, I slipped on my robe, waited a few seconds for my prick to go semi, and then nervously walked outside. Sure, I was scared as hell, but equally just as curious. So much speculation had been swirling about as to their appearance, and I was about to find out the truth, even if it killed me.
“Oh, please don’t kill me,” I mumbled to myself as the door to the ship slid up.
Out of the inner light he appeared, dressed all in white and, much to my surprise, very unalien looking. In fact, he looked human.
“Trick or treat, earthling?” he said, a broad smile plastered across his handsome face as he emerged from his ship and walked over, his hand held out in greeting.
“Oh, um, yeah,” I replied, my own hand trembling as I shook his. “Welcome to, uh, New Jersey.”
He looked around my leaf-littered yard, his head at a tilt. “What was the old Jersey like?”
I laughed, despite the circumstances, which, if not dire, were at least pretty odd, at best. “A lot less polluted and not as much traffic, I suppose,” I answered, releasing his hand as I stood back to get a good look at him. And, my, he did indeed look good. “So, what brings you to my humble home? If you were looking for Manhattan, you missed it by a couple of exits.”
Again, he smiled with those dazzling pearly whites. “I was scanning this area when my sensors picked up a certain heat level I was seeking to study.”
I glanced at my outdoor Jacuzzi, and said, “Well, it is heated, but I bet your technology goes way beyond blowing bubbles.”
He laughed, emitting a deep rumble that ran up and down my spine and sent my balls swaying. “No, earthling. The heat my ship sensed came from there.” He pointed to the center of my robe, which he quickly unknotted and parted. I could feel the blush spread rapidly up my neck and across my cheeks as he waved his slender finger at my flaccid penis. “Before I arrived, I believe this area was in a state of arousal. I seek to study this.”
I closed my robe up tight. “You want to study my dick?”
He nodded his head. “In general, yes. Human sexual behavior, in particular. You see, our world was exceedingly far away from yours, so that while we know about your planet, we know little about the creatures that roam it.” He eyed me as he smiled. “Seems we were mistaken as to your appearance.” He touched my boltless neck and fangless mouth. My cock went boing.