My therapist wants me to write a diary to help me manage my depression. I have no idea how it'll work, but I didn't have the energy to argue with her.
All I want is for life to go back to the way it was before I walked in on Christopher and Jason. Or maybe not because I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Christopher for cheating on me in our bed, but I want to function as I did before that moment. Before I lost everything.
Do you remember Lars Olsen from school? I do my best to stay away, but it's like he's magnetic and pulls me in every time I see him. I shouldn't be dating. I don't want to force my crazy on anyone, but he's asked me to dinner. He deserves a sane partner, so it would be unfair to go, wouldn't it?
Monday, September 12th
Remember Lars Olsen from school? Damn, he looks good now he’s grown into those arms, so good I forgot to stop walking once I spotted him. Yup. I walked right into him, spilled my walking-home-from-work Caramel Latte all over his chest. He only screamed for a few seconds. Not embarrassing at all. I swear. I wished for lightning to strike right then and there.
It was a clear blue sky.
Aliens would’ve worked too. They could’ve beamed me up, and I would have gone willingly. It would’ve been a rescue mission after all. Everyone knows I don’t belong in this world.
Fuck, I suck. Why do I always do things like this?
Anyway, Lars claimed to be okay, and the once-white T-shirt clung nicely to his abs. When the hell did Lars get abs? Why don’t I have abs? Well, I know the answer: caramel lattes and a fetish for moving as little as possible. Now, now, no need to be insulting.
Still, though ... Abs would’ve been nice. I’m aware of having abs, thank you for reminding me, you fucking know-it-all, but they’re buried under a soft layer.
1. My breakfast coffee was okay.
2. My lunch coffee was okay.
3. Lars Olsen’s abs -- I’d forgotten how much I love looking at abs.