One naked god, a breast-obsessed frog, and three snake-haired goddesses trying to take over the world!
After taking some medicine to ward off her cold, Kalliope discovers she’s been leant out to Mt. Olympus. Zeus charges her with saving the world from The Furies, three serpent-headed cowgirls who want to enslave humanity by kidnapping all the CEOs of every fast food restaurant in the world.
As her journey continues, Kalliope meets Apollo. By this time, her cold medicine is wearing off and Apollo is looking like a piece of prime Greek god hunk. When her fever reaches its pinnacle, Kalliope finds herself in a hot mess. The Furies are bearing down on her and she doesn’t know where she’ll end up. What’s a witch to do when saving the world is on her plate, but all she wants to do is stop sneezing?
“Of course. Did you not think there were? You know if you believe in something—"
“Yes. I know the drill. That’s why there’s the Almighty Cheesecake. Did you know he wrote a book on poker?”
“No. I’ll have to find it. He’s a whiz when it comes to the game. All the other gods hate that he wins all the time. He has to lose so they win.”
“Have you seen Morgaine? I figured she can-can—aachoo!” Excalibur came off its hooks and landed blade first in the stones of the hearth.
“Oh great!” Flidais said. “You sound sick.”
Kalliope nodded, hoping the medicine would kick in before she had another bout of wanting to have wild sex. She tried to pull the sword from the stone, but it was not budging. Great. This is all I need. Morgaine’s going to kill me.
“Leave it. Someone will come along and pull it out eventually. By the way, you don’t want to interrupt Morgaine right now.”
Kalliope pushed her hair out of her face. She took a moment and calmed her nerves. She really did want to interrupt the sorceress because she had to find away to get the arrow out of Apollo, the sword out of the stone, and get rid of her cold. “Don’t really have a choice.”
She walked past the hearth and pushed aside the curtains hanging in the door. When she did, she was transported to a tropical paradise. There was a path overgrown with large ferns, but it was passable. The aroma of flowers scented the air. Birds squawked overhead. It reminded her of being in a rain forest. A light mist drizzled down through the canopy, making everything appear to have a rainbow attached to it.
She heard voices not too far ahead of her.
“Morgaine?” she called.
Kalliope heard a moan. She pushed aside the fauna and walked up the path. There was a bed in the middle of a clearing with a brook babbling next to it. A cool breeze lifted sheer bed curtains. Kalliope saw her friend’s back through the drapes. There was someone else in bed with her.
“I thought I told no one to disturb me!” Morgaine yelled.
Kalliope realized her friend was extremely occupied and quickly hid behind a large palm so the sorceress would not feel uncomfortable.
“Sorry. But I really need to talk to you!” Kalliope called.
“Now is not really a good time. I’m kinda —err—busy. Can’t you come back later? We can work out whatever magickal problem you’re having then.”
Kalliope sighed. If only it were that easy. She could only image how the centuries old sorceress was going to react when she saw Apollo. At least he’s alive. I don’t know what I’d do if I’d killed a god or had been the cause. I’m sure Zeus would say something. I don’t feel like being the one filing his toenails for all eternity either.
“Trust me, it wasn’t som-ome th-thing…” Damn. She sneezed again. When she did, there was a large thud. Morgaine and her companion landed on the ground.
The sorceress sighed. “I’ll be right there. I can never get any time to myself.”
Kalliope waited. Finally, her friend emerged from the foliage wearing jeans and a black band T-shirt.
Morgaine said nothing, but motioned for her to follow. When she crossed over the threshold back to Avalon, Apollo was no longer on the floor. He was on Morgaine’s bed. The sorceress turned around and glanced at Kalliope. “How did Apollo end up dead on my bed?”
“He’s not dead.” Flidais chimed in. “He’s only stunned from the arrow.”
“Great. Have you tried to pull it out?”
“I didn’t know if it would hurt him. Flidais tried, but it wasn’t budging,” Kalliope explained.
“Sometimes I wonder why you’re a witch and why this one is a goddess.”
“Ex-goddess on the way to becoming a goddess, thank you,” Flidais corrected.
Morgaine shook her head. “Whatever, I don’t care what kind of a goddess you are. Kalliope, get on that side of him. Flidais, hold him down.”
Both of them did what they were told. Kalliope held down Apollo’s uninjured shoulder. His face was turned toward her and he seemed peaceful. Flidais sat on his feet. Morgaine straddled his back and gripped the shaft of the arrow with both hands. With one quick tug, she yanked the arrow out of his shoulder. There was no blood on the tip.
“Kalli, don’t let him—”
Once the arrow left his body, Apollo opened his eyes and saw Kalliope. “Hello, gorgeous.” He popped up out of bed and swept her into his arms for a deep kiss.
“—look at you.” Flidais was too late.
Kalliope melted in his arms. She felt completely at home. With the first touch of his lips, the fever burned in her body. She desired nothing more than to bed this beautiful hunk that had her in his arms. Any thought of Lugh vanished from her mind. Apollo’s hands grabbed and squeezed her butt underneath her dress. That made her jump up into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He didn’t seem to mind at all. He turned and was about to lay her on the bed. Kalliope didn’t want him to stop, not caring that there was an audience. She was sweating. The fever in her brain had blocked any rational thought except sating the wanton lust consuming her. God, he was a great kisser. His lips were full. His chest was oh-my-God-lick-off-chocolate-syrup good. She kissed him harder and—
Was suddenly dosed with frigid water. When that happened, her senses returned. She scooted away from the god, who looked at her with big puppy dog eyes. He was not wet at all. What have I done to Lugh? What’s wrong with me?
“Kalliope, are you okay?” Morgaine asked.
She shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. Guilt ate her alive. She sniffled and sneezed again. This time, only the bed covers levitated. The furniture stayed put. The cold medicine was finally kicking in. “Something is seriously wrong.”
“Smooky, let me make it all better. I can cure anything you want,” Apollo said. He reminded her of a love sick teenager snuggled against her back with his head on her shoulder. Just the heat radiating from him dried her skin.
All three of the women looked at one another “Smooky?” Flidais started laughing.
“What’s wrong with him?” Kalliope asked.
“He got shot with one of Cupid’s arrows. When you pulled it out, you were the first woman he saw. It’s love at first sight.”
“Flidais, you saw what I did to him. I practically raped him. I can’t be around a love struck god when I’m this way! What’s Lugh going to say when he finds out I fooled around behind his back with one of his friends? He won’t take too lightly to it. I know how I felt when I walked in on Quince. After all these years, I finally find a guy I love and then I screw it up by cheating on him. What’s he going to think of me?” Kalliope started to cry.
Apollo had a concerned expression and started to go to her aid, but Morgaine shot him a look, and he backed away. Flidais sat on the bed next to her and put her arm around her. “Child, it will be all right. The effects of the arrow will wear off in a few hours. It’s like Dagda drinking coffee, except Apollo is going to have one hell of a hangover when he comes down. Lugh will understand. You’re not feeling well. You’ll be honest with him. He knows your heart.”
She hoped her roommate was right. Morgaine gave her another hug. “Flidais is right. Don’t worry about Lugh or Apollo. Tell us how he got shot in the first place.”
Kalliope took a deep breath and started from the beginning. Both women paled, especially at the mention of the Furies. Neither said a word. Morgaine waved her hand. A book appeared in her lap. It looked familiar. This was the same book Morgaine had gotten out when she had tried to show Kalliope astrology. Her friend had told Kalliope not to worry about the beings in the picture. Now she had to.
“Zeus should have gone after those monsters by himself. All he has to do is throw a couple of lightning bolts and they’d go back to the Underworld. He’s just a lazy ass.” Morgaine slammed the book shut. “You said Nas was going to find some information out on them? Can you trust her after she tried to shoot you?”