"Greg, it's not what it looks like." Great, I wasn't even worthy of a good explanation. Nope, Tim -- my soon-to-be-ex -- handed me a cliché as to why I just found him naked on our fire-red leather couch with a guy young enough to be his son. Granted, he would have been seventeen, but it still worked in this case.

The really sad part is that they didn't even break apart, or reach for their clothes in desperate shame. Tim just sat there straddled across his boy-toy, looking at me like I was wrong for walking in on them before the big finish.

"Perhaps I should come back at a better time," I suggested, hoping they would get the sarcasm. Tim was pretty good at catching my snarky remarks, but at this particular moment, I don't think he had enough blood in his brain to actually think things through.

"That would be great," the chiseled blonde replied with a goofy smile. "But it won't be long. I was ready to explode, right, baby?" The chiseled blonde creature then leaned in for a kiss, but Tim quickly put a stop to it as he got up from the guy's lap.

"Charlie, would you mind? I need to get up and talk to Greg." Charlie scoffed like a kid who had been denied his favorite toy, but he still did as he was told. He didn't move very far, plopping down right next to Tim on the couch.

I cocked my head in disbelief. I mean, did he actually just say that to me? What's worse is that he actually thought I was serious. I was stuck wondering about Charlie's appeal; well, other than his looks, but then I looked down. After that, it was a no-brainer.

Even though I was trying hard to resist, I began to hiccup uncontrollably. I always hiccup when I'm nervous. Charlie looked at me in disbelief.

"What's wrong with him?" Charlie asked Tim, who immediately sprang up to my side.

"He just gets a little hiccupy every now and then, don't you, baby?" Tim said in his most comforting tone. Even in my hiccup-fueled state, I managed to shoot out daggers with my eyes. Tim backed off immediately and returned to the couch. Charlie tried to cuddle, but Tim kept nudging him away.

"Should I leave?" Charlie asked with a dead serious expression.

I managed to get a few syllables out in between hiccups. "No, stay. Enjoy. I'll go."

"No one has to go anywhere," Tim declared.

"Hey, I thought you said he didn't like threesomes? Anyways, he's not really my type. I mean, he's kind of chubby. And old," Charlie replied.

Nothing like a bit of anger to get rid of the hiccups. "Excuse me. Who the hell do you think --"

Tim stood up and cut me off before I could yell any further. "Keep your voice down. You don't want to embarrass yourself in front of the neighbors."

"Me. Embarrass myself? I'm not the one trying to play around with a guy almost half my age."

Charlie giggled like a little schoolgirl. "I can see why you don't want him. He's not even that smart if he thinks that nineteen is half of twenty-seven."

It was all too much at this point. I began to pace back and forth, arms gesticulating wildly, as if they were about to shoot off from my body. "Twenty-seven? You think he is twenty-seven? I'll let you in on a little secret, kid. He's two years older than I am, and I'm thirty-six."

Charlie got up from the couch and scrambled for his clothes. He gathered them up one by one, and clutched them close to his chest as he walked towards the door. "You know what, why don't you call me when you figure out what age you really are." With that statement, Charlie left, full of drama and completely naked.

"Wow," I began, "I would be angry if this wasn't all so sad."

"Look, we should sit down and talk about this."

"No, I'm not going to sit down on that couch ever again. No amount of disinfectant can take away what you did on there."

"Damn, do you have to be such a drama queen?" Tim said flatly.

"Really? That's what you say? Don't you even realize what you've done? You've just thrown away ten years together, and for what? A piece of really stupid cock."

Tim opened his mouth to give his side of the story, but I wouldn't hear of it -- I was too upset. I also knew that if I let him speak any further, I'd end up forgiving him like always, and we'd be back to square one.

"You need to go," I said, fighting back tears. I wasn't about to let him see me get torn up about this. Tim picked up his clothes and got dressed, then reached for his car keys. Before he reached the door, he turned around and faced me.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked. No, I wasn't sure. In fact, seeing him go was tearing me apart. I opened my mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was Charlie, still as naked as could be.

"Um, I don't think they will let me ride the bus like this, so I'm gonna need a ride back to my parent's place from one of you."

I shook my head. "Oh yeah. I'm perfectly sure now."