Sidebars are stories set in the Spy vs. Spook/Mann of My Dreams universe. The stories are told from the point of views of Nigel Mann, Bryan Sebring, Jack Matheson (Wills’s dad), a pair of jeans, Michael Shaw, and finally, Wills himself.
Contains the stories:
Solo Tu: Nigel Mann, known as the CIA’s own Mr. Freeze, and Portia Sebring, the Ice Princess of the NSA, might seem like a match made in the Arctic, but it’s exactly what Anthony Sebring wants for his daughter. This story takes place in 1958.
Chasing Rainbows: Bryan Sebring tells the story of how he and his “one” finally get together.
How to Handle a Gay Son: Jack Matheson learns his beloved oldest son is gay, and we see how he handles it.
The Lick Me, Suck Me, Fuck Me Jeans: Wills’s jeans explains how his owner becomes pretty much irresistible while wearing him.
Where Have You Been, Willie Boy?: Michael Shaw has been William Matheson’s best friend since they met in the sixth grade. Things change when they start college, helped along by those lick me, suck me, fuck me jeans Wills had been given for a birthday present. But Michael isn’t gay, and he won’t let anyone label him as queer, not even for his best friend. But will his determination drive away the one man he values above all others?
Into the Lion’s Den: The first of Wills Matheson’s stories. We see his relationship with Michael Shaw, with his family, and eventually with the WBIS and Mark Vincent, who becomes his boss.
EXCERPT FROM "The Lick Me, Suck Me, Fuck Me Jeans"
“Jesus, Harry, relax, will you? You look like you’ve got St. Vitus’s dance.” Wills Matheson, the owner and wearer of the 505s, limped into the ER. His cousin Harry, ashen-faced and a nervous wreck, followed right behind.
“But you’re bleeding, Wills! I can see it --” Harry’d been hovering over him since he’d realized the nail he’d shot from his nail gun had actually hit his cousin’s ass. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry! I should have known you’d never flirt with my girl.”
Yes, he should have; 505 told me Mathesons didn’t make passes at a family member’s girlfriend, but if Wills agreed with him, he’d feel even worse.
“It was an accident, Harry. I know that, and I’m not blaming you.”
“Yeah, but my dad will. And your dad ... And Aunt Jill is gonna tear my head off when she finds out! Oh Jesus, just look at your jeans!”
Fortunately, Wills couldn’t see what condition the seat of his work jeans was in.
Unfortunately, Harry was right about Wills’s stepmother. Jill was very protective of all her children, and especially the child of her heart.
“You’d better hope she doesn’t decide to cook for me, because then I’ll have to come after you and hurt you.”
Harry grinned half-heartedly. The entire family knew what a lethal cook Jill Matheson was, although that was something of which she herself was oblivious.
“It’ll be okay, Harry. You’re her favorite nephew. She’ll just get me a new pair of jeans. I needed them anyway. I go back to college in two weeks, and I sure won’t be able to wear these.”
“I knew it, you are pissed at me.”
“Harry!” What Wills was pissed about was the two weeks’ pay he’d be losing if the doctor told him he was hurt worse than he thought he was and couldn’t work.
“Problem?” A cute, fair-haired nurse in green scrubs walked up to them. He was holding a clipboard and had a stethoscope around his neck, and 505 could feel Wills’s dick choose that moment to get interested.
505 also said the T-shirt Wills was wearing told him he could feel the heat of Wills’s flush right down to the material over his chest.
Does that mean our owner is gay? I’d asked with some trepidation. I was very young then.
And we’d all breathed sighs of relief. Although we knew Wills’s Uncle Pete was gay and a Marine, we’d also heard tales that gay people often got beat up, and getting beat up tended to be hard on us clothes. And the people who wore us, of course.
“You’ve gotta help him!” Harry grabbed the nurse with one hand, then grabbed Wills’s arm and spun him around, showing off the tear in his jeans. 505 said that he could tell from the way his wearer’s body tightened that his leg must have twinged in protest.
“Oh, wow, that’s a nasty --”
“I knew it! You’re gonna lose your leg! Jesus, Wills, I’m So. Fucking. Sorry!”
The nurse cleared his throat. “Actually, I was going to say that’s a nasty tear in your jeans.” He looked at Wills through his lashes and gave a tiny smile. “I’m Matt. Why don’t you come with me ...Wills? Dr. Muller will see you.” He shoved the clipboard into Harry’s hands. “Here, you can fill this out while I bring your ...?”
“Huh? Oh, Wills is my cousin.” Harry took Wills’s wallet with the insurance cards in it.
“I’ll just take your cousin back to bay 4.” As the nurse led Wills away, he dropped his voice. “I wouldn’t mind holding your hand if you need stitches.”
“I wouldn’t what?”
“Mind holding my hand?” Wills’s dick was nudging 505’s fly, thinking that might be a good idea.
The nurse turned pale. “I’m sorry, you weren’t meant to hear that. Shit. You’re a construction worker.”
“What does that have to do with you holding my hand?”
“Everyone knows how macho construction workers are. You and your cousin are going to wait out in the parking lot until my shift is over and beat the shit out of me, aren’t you?”
“No. Though I don’t think I’d mind waiting out in the parking lot if you’d go out with me for a drink when you get off your shift?”
That confused 505. From all he knew from his own personal experience, Wills was straight. Wasn’t he?
“Are you old enough to drink? My God, what am I saying? This is unprofessional of me, I didn’t mean it, and I’m sorry, and ... Oh, this is bay 4. Here.” He shoved a johnny gown into Wills’s hand. “Take off your jeans and shorts and put this on. I’ll go find the doctor.”