I climb into his truck, which he tells me is a 1990 Toyota. That makes me happier than if I were climbing into a brand-spanking-new Corvette. I simply love unassuming, down-to-earth, don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass people. He drives through backroads that I’ am not familiar with. Then, he stops at a barn.
“Nobody will mind if we cross that gate,” he tells me. We cross the gate and walk to the side of the huge tobacco barn. The barn looks like a typical Kentucky tobacco barn until we reach the side. The side of it takes my breath away.
I stand silently, taking it all in. The mural covers the entire side. A meandering dirt path weaves its way through wildflowers. A wooden fence lines the path. The path leads to a white two-story farmhouse, complete with chickens in the yard.
“I’m speechless,” I tell him.
“It’s my best work, in my opinion. A couple got married here. Her grandmother died a few months before the ceremony. The grandmother raised the bride, so it was heartbreaking for her. Anyway, this was a tribute to her. It’s what she pictured as home—her grandmother’s house.”
I’m far from the crying type. My tears have long run out. However, I feel deeply for that bride. I’m not sure why. I’ve never had a home base. Not really. However, I empathize with her and say a little prayer for her. What would it be like to have someone who you love so deeply that you’d have someone paint the side of a barn for? I don’t know.
We walk back hand in hand. I know I flinched when he first touched me. I hate myself for that. He noticed, I’m sure. It makes me so mad that I try damn hard to be whole, and then, I flinch at a touch, giving away the fact that I’m broken.
I push aside my frustration. I want to enjoy this night. We chat all the way to Riverview, which, granted, is only a seven-minute drive. Riverview, as the name implies, overlooks the Ohio River. Sadly, the Ohio River is one of the most industrial- polluted rivers in the country, and that fact just sickens me.
We both order hamburgers and French fries. “I must admit, I’m addicted to hamburgers,” he tells me.
“Me, too. The greasier, the better!”
“So, you understand! I can, and probably do, eat a hamburger every day.”
“I do, too. It’s the perfect road food.”
“What’s your favorite burger place?”
I think for a moment. “It used to be Sonic, but now they messed up their bun-to-meat ratio.”
He nods. “Their patties are definitely too small. Did they think their customers wouldn’t notice? Mine used to be Wall’s Drive-Thru until it closed.”
“That was an amazing place. I hope someone reopens that. I guess I just prefer to make my own.”
“I agree, especially over a charcoal grill.”
“Charcoal rules,” I agree.
There’s a silence between us that feels both weird and right. I think that I may eventually feel completely comfortable with this man. There’s a possibility, and Shasta is the only person I’ have ever been felt comfortable with. I never thought I would feel comfortable with a man.
Naturally, I think back to those nights. I still know what he smells like. I can still hear the sounds he would make. The most painful part was the words he would spew at me. I still hear him say those words. For the life of me, I cannot picture Sam hurting me. Normally, I can replace any man into the memory of my abuser. I cannot do that with Sam. I try. For some twisted reason, I try so hard to put him in that scenario. I try to picture him holding me down, pulling my hair, and invading my body against my will. I try to picture him telling me what a crazy bitch I am. It just will won’t work, and that confuses me.
The thought dissipates when the waitress places our burgers in front of us. These burgers have the perfect bun- and- meat ratio. Grease glistens from the burgers. We both look at our plates and smile at each other.
He stands and takes my hand. He leads me to his bedroom and turns down his black comforter, turns to me, and kisses me again. The kiss becomes even more passionate. I feel so much passion that I feel I’m going to burst.
I run my hands down his chest, and I feel hardness. It’s so different from my own body, and I want more. He takes off his glasses and places them on the nightstand. I lift his shirt up over his head. I’m mesmerized.
“You’re so hot. I can’t wait. I have to have you now!”
He grabs my hands. “No rushing through this. I want your first time to be special. After that, we can fuck like monkeys. Now, I want to make love to you.”
His words make my breath hitch, and I simply nod. He lifts my T-shirt over my head and moans softly. He fumbles with the clasp of my bra, and I reach back and help him. He slowly takes my bra off.
“Oh. Fuck! Perfect.” I breathe a sigh of relief. I always wondered if they were too small for a man to appreciate.
He softly takes a nipple into his mouth. The wet warmth makes need tighten inside my core. He alternates, taking each nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue.
“Sam. Please,” I beg.
“Patience,” he tells me as he pulls down my shorts and panties. I’m suddenly embarrassed. His head is at my center.
He must sense my hesitation. “Lie down. I want to see this pretty pussy.”
So many thoughts rush through my head. I force back all the ones related to my past. This is Sam, so it’s all different. I lose all ability to think when I feel him part my pussy lips and slowly lick my swollen pussy lips. Slow, sensual laps at my clit cause me to throw my head back and moan uncontrollably.
His tongue dips lower to my opening. He savors my pussy, wanting every taste, smell, and sensation possible. I’ve never felt so wanted and womanly. He feasts upon my cunt as if he wants me. This desire, need, or…something keeps tightening within me. I have never physically wanted someone so badly. This need is raging inside me, and I need more than his tongue.
“Sam,” I beg. “Please. I need you. I can’t wait any longer. Show me how good it can be.”
He rises and kisses me. I taste myself on his lips and tongue. I love sharing my body with him. It looms over mine, yet he’s not close enough.
“Promise me that if you need for me to stop, you will tell me.”
I run my fingers through his hair. I’m amazed at the depths of my feelings for this man. “I promise.”
“Are you on birth control?”
“Yes. I’m on the pill.”
“Do you want to use a condom?”
“No. I need you now,” I whine.
He ungracefully pulls down his boxers and slowly pushes himself into me. I see the grimace on his face, and I know that he wants to go further, faster. He’s holding back for me.
I am wet with need. He slides into my pussy effortlessly, and I bring my arms up to him to lower his mouth onto mine. “Feels so good,” I tell him.
“So good,” he agrees.
“More,” I plead.
He eases into me more. “Ready for all of it?” he whispers.
“Yes. Please. All of it.”
The stretching takes me by surprise. He fills me. I am the lock. He is the key. It’s perfect. This is how it’s supposed to be. I feel freed from my past.
I dig my fingertips into his ass. All of a sudden, that sensation of coiled need explodes within me. “Sam!” I scream. He slams into me, moaning.
Panting, he says, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t last longer.”
“It was perfect.” I fall back, exhausted. “Was that an orgasm?” I ask as he lies next to me.
“I believe it was. Have you never had one?”
“No. That was scary but good. Like a roller coaster with all that g-force.”
Sam laughs uncontrollably. “I think that may be the best compliment I’ve ever received.”
We look at each other with wide grins until we drift off to sleep.