My first sexual experience was in college with a dark, handsome stranger named Silas. But it turned out to be more than I bargained for when I woke up after a passionate night only to find that Silas was dead. Well, living dead. He was a vampire. And now so was I.
With the help of a book entitled The Basics of Being a Bloodsucker, I learn the tips and tricks of being undead. I learn to navigate life after life, love after love, and murder after murder to find my place in this world. As a vampire, I only need two things: to eat and to stay secret. But I'm looking for love, as well, and Silas only wants sex. So we go our separate ways.
After 150 years, though, I begin to wonder if there might be something more than just being a vampire. I could have a chance at a real human life. When Silas and I finally run into each other again, can we find a way to live forever young together? Or do we have to part ways at the door of humanity?
I look up from the book, thinking deeply. I don't know where I want to go once I'm done here in Southeastern Idaho. I think moving to another country would be easier, but I haven't had time to learn a language. Maybe Canada? I've always wanted to visit Australia, and I feel much more confident I won't be killed by some horrible giant spider.
You know, since I basically can't die.
"Ah, your first time," he says, sounding like a proud father. "I'm so excited for you! Any ideas where you're going to go?"
"Some ideas. Nothing firm yet. I like Canada or Australia."
"I did Canada my second time," he tells me. "I know we can't feel temperatures, but it's fucking cold up there. But with Australia at least, you have lots of opportunities for unique eats. Some of the men down there ... I would go down under for them, you know?"
"Oh, that's a perk, I'm sure," I say, rolling my eyes. "But do you know someone?"
"Honey, I know lots of 'someones.' How much can you afford?"
"How much is it going to cost?"
"The more expensive, the better it is. I know a guy in the FBI I'll get you in touch with. He's also a great fuck, if you're interested."
"We'll see," I say, now feeling a little impatient. "How much does he cost?"
"About ten thousand dollars. But he has the resources to make sure every detail is completely redone and edited. He's relocated hundreds of my friends -- me twice -- and I've never had any problems."
"Great. Can you give me his number?"
"Sure. I'll send you a text. Is that really the only reason you called?" he suddenly asked. "You didn't want to get together for a little bit?"
"I'm sure once I finish up here, I could make some time to see you," I say, trying not to let my insides go all aflutter. "Why? You saying you miss me?"
"Oh, sweetie, I never lied when I said you were a good fuck. Let me know when you're making the transition, and come find me in New York."
"New York? I've never been there."
"It's easy to hide with all these people here," he tells me. "Besides, you know how much ass I get here? I have to be careful how many I drain, you know, but boy ... I am swimming in dicks here."
"Ah, yes, it's been so long since I've done the backstroke with you."
He laughs. "Okay. Well, keep me updated. I'm gonna get cleaned up. And, you know, keep in touch more often. Despite what I say, I actually miss you for things other than your tight hole."
I sigh, and smile to myself. "Well, I miss you too. And I'll let you know when I land in New York."
"Okay, honey. Love you. Kiss kiss."
"Love you. Bye."
I hang up and look at the phone. Silas. Huh.
I wonder what kind of life I could have in New York?