Bram Lahti came to school to train and to escape his abusive past. He's going to make the Olympics, and maybe, when he's an established athlete, maybe then he'll come out. He has a girlfriend, who doesn't know she's his beard, and one-night stands for sex. Then he meets Jared Walker—a one-night, then two-night stand—who turns out to be the T.A. for one of his courses. As they get to know each other and, when Bram realizes that his best friend and girlfriend have fallen for each other, he takes a risk and starts a relationship with Jared. But he won't come out, can't come out, no matter how much it hurts Jared to hide their relationship.
When Jared leaves him to think things through, can Bram step up, overcome his fears, and be the man he wants to be, for Jared and for himself?
Do you know what would be nice?” Jared said softly as he traced random patterns on Bram’s chest and stomach.
“Hmm?” Bram murmured in vague reply. He was half-asleep, warm, and satiated after amazing sex with his boyfriend, and happy to have Jared’s body cuddled up to his.
Jared shifted back slightly to look up at him, poking him in the stomach. “Are you listening to me?”
“Yes, of course, baby,” Bram sighed, moving so he could meet his lover’s eyes. “What would be nice?”
Bram frowned in confusion. “A date? A date for what?”
“Not that kind of a date,” Jared snorted, poking him again hard enough to make him squirm. “A ‘date’ date. Us, going out, you know? Dinner, a movie.”
Bram froze, his heart starting to pound. “Oh,” he managed, unable to help his knee-jerk reaction of fear, even if it sounded really nice.
“Yeah, I thought so,” Jared said with a sigh, rolling over to face away from him and curling up. “You know, it’s not like you even have to come out, B, and it’s not like this isn’t nice, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask to want to do normal couple things with you.”
Staring at his lover’s back, Bram sighed quietly. Jared was right; he didn’t have to come out. There were plenty of places in town where they could meet up and go on a date without anyone knowing.
He rolled onto his side and slid up against Jared’s body, kissing his shoulder as he put an arm round Jared’s waist. Jared didn’t struggle, but he didn’t move either.
“You mean lots of sex isn’t a normal couple thing to do?”
“Oh haha.” Jared slapped his arm. “Yes, of course it is, but I’m not here with you just because I want to have sex with you.”
Bram felt his heart stutter. “Why?” he whispered.
“Why what? Why am I here?” Jared asked, turning his head to look at him. “Are you serious?”
Pulling away, feeling uncertain suddenly and a little miserable, Bram nodded, not quite able to meet his lover’s eyes or speak.
“Oh God, you are serious,” Jared said, turning over and lifting up slightly so he could touch Bram’s face. “You really have some issues, you know that?”
“Maybe,” Bram whispered. “That’s not answering my question though.”
“Don’t you have any idea what a great guy you are? The fact that you are this hot, too? Just a really good bonus. I love being with you, talking, having fun, whatever. Even just sitting together when we’re both reading is nice, you know?”
“More than nice,” Bram murmured, looking down as his face heated up.
“What?” Jared asked, his voice quiet and gentle.
“I love watching you read,” Bram said with a shrug.
“You’re supposed to be reading when I read,” Jared said with a touch of amusement, and Bram felt his cheeks heat up further.
“Well, yeah, I know but...I get bored easily.”
Jared tipped Bram’s chin up till he had to meet curious green eyes.
“Watching me read isn’t boring?”
Bram shrugged again.
“No, it isn’t.”
“Oh,” Jared said, blinking at him. “Really?” The hint of wariness that edged Jared’s confusion was painful, and Bram met his lover’s eyes properly as he nodded.
“Really, Jared,” he whispered. “You get so absorbed. I can almost read your books through your face. It’s just, you’re just beautiful.”
“Oh come on,” Jared said quietly, his cheeks going as red as Bram thought his own must be.
“It’s true. It’s like you’re part of the book or something. I can’t stop watching sometimes.”
“I wondered why you always seem to be looking at me when I finish up.”
“Well, now you know.” Bram smiled and, to his surprise, Jared surged up and kissed him deeply, but with a tenderness that made his heart flip in his chest. He really was a sap for his boyfriend.
They’d been together for several months now, and it constantly surprised him how much he loved to spend time with his boyfriend. He wasn’t in it just for the sex, either, and that was a huge step forward for him.
Bram pulled back and smiled. “Okay. Let’s go on a date.”
“Seriously?” Jared breathed, staring wide-eyed at him.
“Ask me properly.”
Bram raised an eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”
“Ask me out properly.”
“Why can’t you ask me out?” Bram snorted. “You’re in my bed.”
“So, I’m just saying, I asked you home. I think you should be the one asking me out.”
Jared raised an eyebrow. “Who had to suggest that you ask me home?”
“Stop arguing and ask me out,” Bram said, grinning at his lover.
“Oh fine,” Jared sighed. “You wanna see a movie or something?”
“No,” Bram said, pouting at his lover.
“What do you mean, no?” Jared exclaimed, sitting up and poking him in the stomach.
“Do I wanna see a movie or something?” Bram said with a half-insulted, half-amused snort. “What the hell was that?”
Jared sighed and sat on the mattress next to him, crossing his legs and leaning on his thighs. “Okay, I’m sorry. That was a bit flippant.”
“Be quiet, I’m trying to say sorry,” Jared said sharply.
“Okay, okay.” Bram shifted onto his side and put a hand on Jared’s knee.
“I really want to do this, you know, Bram. I want to feel like a real couple, not a dirty little secret.”
Bram lifted a hand and touched his boyfriend’s throat before sliding his fingertips down Jared’s chest to rest lightly on his stomach.
“Bram?” Jared whispered again, his breath coming fast and shallow through parted lips. Still overwhelmed, Bram flattened his palm on Jared’s stomach and twisted round to stand behind him, bending to kiss the soft skin behind his ear and pulling him back against his body.
Bram’s cock hardened and pushed insistently against his boyfriend’s behind. Jared gasped quietly, leaning back against him, hands moving back between them to unzip Bram’s pants.
“Jared, God, baby,” Bram said with a groan, his erection sliding into the crease of his lover’s perfect ass. “I want you so much.”
“I want you, too.” Jared gasped, arching back and twisting his head to kiss him. He licked over Bram’s lips as he rocked back into his cock. “Why don’t you take me?”
Shivering, Bram pulled back to quickly strip off the rest of his clothes, then picked Jared up and carried him to the bed. He climbed and twisted so he was sitting with Jared in his lap. Jared kissed him again, his cock rubbing wetly against his stomach.
“Condom, baby, please. I need you,” Bram said urgently. Jared leaned over to the cabinet and yanked the drawer open. He pulled out a strip of condoms and a tube. After ripping open one packet, Jared shifted back and smiled darkly as he placed it on top of Bram’s cock and slowly rolled it down his shaft. Jared’s touch was almost too good and Bram bit his lip, trying not to rock up into Jared’s hand.
“Easy, B,” Jared murmured, eyes hot as they raked his body. “Fuck, you’re so hot, Bram. Can’t wait to have you inside me.” As he spoke, he squeezed lube onto his fingers and stroked it over the head of Bram’s cock.
“Please, yes,” Bram gasped, lust and need taking over, taking him to the breaking point.
Breathing out heavily, Jared crawled forward and kissed him before reaching back to grasp Bram’s cock. He held his length up and sat back. Tight heat enveloped Bram slowly and he gasped, gripping Jared’s hips and desperately resisting the urge to yank him all the way down. Jared hadn’t prepared himself, so Bram had to let him fill himself at his own rate. He couldn’t risk hurting him.
“Please, please,” Bram whispered, panting harshly. Jared’s muscles squeezed and rippled round him as he sank lower and lower, and it was driving Bram insane.
“Oh yeah,” Jared groaned as he finally sat against Bram’s thighs. He shivered and his ass clenched down hard.
“Fuck,” Bram gritted out, sliding his hands from his lover’s hips to his ass, then squeezing his cheeks and pulling him up. “You feel so good, baby. How do you always feel so good?” he asked, yanking Jared back down hard.
Jared cried out. “Ah, yes,” he said. “Because you fit.”
“I fit?” Bram whispered, encouraging Jared to lift up again. Jared made a soft choking noise low in his throat and sat down again, impaling himself deep and hard.
“We fit...honey,” Jared whispered. “You fill me up, hit every spot.” He lifted up and slammed back down with a soft cry. “You feel perfect inside me, B.”
Bram suddenly felt a desperate urge to tell his boyfriend that he loved him, and he bit his lip hard. Sliding his arms up to Jared’s back, he pushed up and rolled them over, thrusting hard into Jared’s body and dipping down to kiss him. Jared’s lips parted under his, their tongues sliding together urgently. He clutched at his lover, rocking into him faster as Jared wrapped arms and legs round him and kissed him harder.
It was overwhelming. Love and pleasure filled Bram, every muscle tight and nerve hot with the need to come. He slid his hand down Jared’s side and over his hip to his ass, pulling him up higher as he shifted to change his angle.
“Oh fuck!” Jared gasped, jerking and shuddering against him. “Yes, oh fuck, oh fuck, Bram. Oh God, fuck me harder.” He groaned, bucking into every stroke of Bram’s cock inside him. The muscles of Jared’s ass tightened and Bram let go, his orgasm tearing through his whole body, jolting him with bolts of pleasure. Still trembling from his climax, Bram pulled back quickly, pushing himself to his knees. He sucked Jared’s cock into his mouth, smiling around the soft skin and hard flesh when his lover groaned and sighed, rocking up into him.
He loved tasting Jared, loved to feel him come in his mouth, and it stopped him, again, from confessing his feelings. It wasn’t the right time. He didn’t know if it ever would be the right time, but this definitely wasn’t it. He sucked and swallowed and reached up to twist the bars that threaded through his lover’s nipples. Jared’s gasping cries made him feel good, his boyfriend’s pleasure as satisfying as his own.
“Oh yes, Bram, fuck.” Jared arched up, shuddering as he came, filling Bram’s mouth. Bram swallowed quickly and lifted his head to smile at his lover before crawling over him to kiss him again, share his taste with him.
“Mmm, honey,” Jared murmured, smiling lazily at him and stroking his cheek. “I love your mouth.”
Bram snorted and kissed him again. Sighing happily, Bram shifted onto the bed and pulled Jared over into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the soft skin behind Jared’s ear and silently mouthed the words he didn’t dare say.