Jay Bannock is living a lie.
Sure, he likes women. In fact, he respects women but when he tries to kiss one and she does that tongue thing, he wants to spew.
Confused by his growing attraction to men, Jay seeks help from the only gay club he knows—Floggers BDSM Club.
Has he lost his mind?
Realization, he has been batting for the wrong team all his life comes in the form of a six-foot-seven Adonis by the name of Matt Duffey.
Instantly attracted to the leather-clad Adonis, Jay’s complicated life spins out of control on a rollercoaster ride wrapped in Matt’s arms.
PUBLISHER NOTE: MM, Dungeon, BDSM, Anal Sex, Flogging
Lance Booker took in the man standing in the foyer of Floggers BDSM Club. He valued his ability to pick a sub or Dom at a glance, but this delectable guy’s BDSM predilection eluded him. To his experienced eye, he saw a confused man, albeit, a buff six-two, blond hunk of steel. Man, you are pretty. He plastered a warm smile on his face, strolled nonchalantly toward him, and extended his hand. “Lance Booker … how can I help you?”
“Jay Bannock.” He shook his hand with a look of chagrin. “I feel really stupid coming here.” He dragged in a long breath and his cheeks flushed bright red. “To be completely honest, I need to talk to someone gay and the Floggers’ website does say you’re looking for members. I thought you might be able to advise me.” He met Lance’s gaze. “Do you have a few minutes to spare?”
Bemused, Lance held his hand to check his reaction toward him, raised one brow, and eyed him critically. This guy didn’t look like he needed help and he sure didn’t have the confidence of a Dom or the submissive attitude he’d expect from a sub in his presence. He cleared his throat. “You’re not selling stuff are you?”
“Lord, no.” Jay gave a nervous laugh. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know any homosexual men and this being a gay club … well, I … I’m looking for some answers.” He shrugged and squeezed Lance’s hand. “I guess you think I’m crazy walking into a gay BDSM club looking for help, but I need to talk over something that’s bothering me, and I don’t think I’ll get what I need from a doctor or a shrink.”
After that confession, Lance held onto the man’s hand a little longer than necessary and rubbed his thumb over the back. Apart from the softening in Jay’s dark blue eyes, he made no effort to pull away and seemed to relax a little. Interesting. He inclined his head. “Sure, I always have time to speak to a new boy. Why don’t you come into my office? It’s more private in here for a chat.” He opened the door and ushered Jay inside. “I’ve just made a fresh pot of coffee.”
Placing two steaming cups on the long maple desk, Lance waved him into a seat. He rested his hip on the edge of the desk and gazed down at him, taking a Dominant position to check his reaction. When Jay dropped his gaze under Lance’s frank appraisal, he bit back a smile. Good sub material, strong but craves Domination. He had the guts to come in here, yeah a valuable quality in a sub. Sipping his coffee, he examined the cute guy. Nice skin. Jay had remarkably handsome features, high cheekbones, full lips, and those big, innocent, blue eyes that made him instantly hard. “So are you interested in BDSM?”
“I think I might be … yeah.” Jay lifted his chin and frowned. “That’s part of why I’m here.”
Lance leaned closer. Hmm, he smelled good too, clean with a hint of male musk. “So what’s the other part? Do you need to know what it costs to join a club like Floggers? The tests you need and the rules?”
“Yes, I’ll need all that but first”—Jay’s cheeks blushed again—“look, I’ll come straight to the point. How did you first discover you were gay?”
Fuck! “Well, the fact I prefer to have sex with men kind of tipped me off.” Lance ran a hand through his hair and stared at him with incredulity. This person had walked into Floggers and wasn’t sure if he was gay? What the fuck? He took a sip of his coffee. He would have to pull back and be gentle with him. “I have never had the slightest interest in women sexually. I’m also a Dom and like to dominate men sexually. I like to be on top and in charge all the time.”
“Were you always like … gay … or did you have a sexual experience with a man and liked it?” Jay reached for his coffee. “I’m so fucking confused. You see, although I appreciate a man’s body—a lot. I’ve never thought about one as a lover. Over the years, I’ve tried to date girls—women—but as soon as … you know… I can’t get it up. In fact, it never gets that far because I can’t even kiss them.”
Lance’s mind reeled. He’d picked Jay as gay the moment he set eyes on him. “I’ve always known I’m gay. I’ve never had any doubt. Are you suddenly attracted to men or did this come about because of a sexual encounter as you put it?”
A pained expression crossed Jay’s handsome face. “No!—The other night I tried to kiss a girlfriend—because she insisted and when I backed off, she kind of lost it. Fuck, she screamed at me and said I acted like a gay man … that I wasn’t normal.” Jay looked at Lance over the top of his cup. “The whole scene was pretty ugly.”
Lance scratched his cheek and stared down at him in complete amazement. “So why on earth do you hang out with women if you don’t find them attractive?”
“Fucked if I know—I guess in my mind, I thought I might eventually find one that actually attracted me.” Jay shrugged. “Rose … well, she was a good friend. I liked her company but she wanted more.”
Lance inclined his head. He needed more information. “Tell me about Rose, did she have big tits, nice ass and what made her a possibility in your eyes?”
“No, she is the opposite.” Jay sipped his drink. “Tall, muscular, slim and she didn’t have much in the way of tits to be honest. She liked to exercise.” He swallowed. “I met her in the gym and we worked out together.”
Very interesting. “I see and what do you appreciate in a man?”
“I like the way a man smells, and … I dunno … muscles wet with sweat, a nice body.” Jay drained his coffee and set the cup down. “I like eyes too, some men’s eyes have a kindness I find attractive.”
You don’t say. “It’s a drastic step going from an argument with your girlfriend to fronting at a gay BDSM club. What the hell did the woman say to you?” Lance rubbed the back of his neck.
Jay’s mouth turned down at the corners. “I’m sure you don’t want to hear the boring details, but a lot of what she said rang true because I do appreciate the male form, like I said. Although, I believe I’ve been fooling myself about the reason why I find men attractive. So I bit the bullet, as they say, and rented some gay pornos including a BDSM one … nothing too extreme.” He ran a finger around the top of his cup and drew a deep breath. “Watching them turned me on big time, seeing two guys. You know it kind of felt right.” He leaned back in his chair. “Like I said before I don’t know any homosexual men so I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this. I think I might be gay, and I’m not sure what to do. How do I know for sure if I’m really gay?” He rubbed a hand over his face. “From what I’ve told you it’s obvious, isn’t it? I just can’t admit it to myself.”
You think, huh. “There’s no halfway here, Jay. You’re gay, or you’re not.” Lance stood and moved closer to him. Standing legs either side of him and leaning toward him, he cupped Jay’s cheek and stared into his eyes. “From what you have told me, and how you react to me, I think it’s obvious.” He snorted. “You’re sure sending out all the right signals.”
Lance ran the pad of his thumb over Jay’s full bottom lip. “Uh-huh, a straight guy wouldn’t allow me to touch him like this.” He sighed at Jay’s wide-eyed expression of astonishment laced with a hint of fear. He needed to pull back a little and not frighten him. “Look, this was just a test to see if you’re gay. I didn’t mean to alarm you and I have a boy I’m attached to, so as much as I’d like to pursue this with you, I think I should introduce you to a Dom around your own age.”
“Don’t you think that’s kinda jumping in with both feet?” Jay frowned. “What if I’m wrong? The thought of being tied up and whipped… I’m not sure I could do something like that with a stranger.”
Lance headed for the door. “You should follow your instincts. No one here will ever push you into anything you don’t want to do, but I think you may need a little shove in the right direction. Floggers can open up a world of pleasure you didn’t know existed.” He grinned. “It’s time to love my friend.”